her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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