they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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