the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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