I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
