Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
