I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
