Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
