I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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