You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
