WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
