get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
