I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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