Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
