There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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