after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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