He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
