yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
where are my eyebrows?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
