but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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