we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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