Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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