Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
