what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
