On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
