tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
