so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
