We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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