batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
