I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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