Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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