you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
