I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sobbing to NWA
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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