Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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