just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
