I'm gonna have a badass scar
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
