Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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