Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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