anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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