well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
