I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
