Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
