i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
