every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize