I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
