literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
