I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
