I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
