Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
