Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
