just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
