this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
