I got her a Nickelback box set.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
