So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
