I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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