I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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