she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
