I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
