I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
