never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
