Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
