Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
