Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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