so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We named our party play list daddy issues
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
